Surrendering

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Surrendering, I don’t know how. I hear your still small voice amid all the world’s noises. I pray and seek to facilitate the translation from me to total bowed down me. I yearn for your glory to be made manifest. I seek for a testimony that would be my legacy and earn me my crown of life. I submerge myself in hope that is not far-fetched. I kneel to the very desire, but I am so young in Christ, I know I am a babe. I suck on my milk and admit solid food will not work without any teeth to chew on it. I am weak and feeble minded. I am zealous without understanding. I seek to surrender without letting go. Gaining moment in my quest, I know it’s a pinnacle I must reach. Therefore, trailing my footsteps, I see the stumbling blocks that behold me as a mirror revealing where I should not tread again. Dwindling in my own thoughts, I hope I am not surrendering the fight that is my due choice for servitude. See, soldiers have no rights but to obey the commandments they receive. Holy Lord my teacher, inspire my chains of bondage and lead my stony heart deeper into slavery. Suffer me no rest until I am dead. Explain to my clinging, fearful and doubtful flesh what it means to follow you. Where my feet my fail, your grace will help me stand. Where my heart will fail, your understanding craftsmanship of this mortal being, will be in the hands of the potter who made it. Where my knowledge seeks to lead, your living words will discern my proud heart to know it’s place. When I am in the raging battle of self and desire, you oh potter can mar the clay and start again. Surrendering, I don’t know how. I am afraid because my flesh has not known a father. I am afraid because my trust has been broken. I am afraid because I have seen death lurking one too many times. I yield to clinging on to my own understanding of life. Certainly, twisted without spiritual revelation, your living word encourages losing your life to gain it. How I desire nothing but to live in absurd faith. Feasting on courage, “be of good cheer my soul”, I urge myself forward. Relentless in my walk and weening in my sight. I surrender to the very battle I must lose to win. I am conceited, and pride is deep rooted. I judge and plead guilty too. How ridiculous is the Kingdom of heaven and how stupid is flesh for trying to discern what is spirit! Thank you for the foretaste of my inheritance, thus I am heir to ridiculousness and glory. Looking back, evidently surrendering I know, because there was joy in my first step towards it. A contrite heart and a broken spirit, He loves. What a sincere and compassionate Father I have. Now I understand, surrendering is not once and for all. But once and for all everyday till you enter in oh faithful servant. Surrendering is not only Sunday morning, but a lifestyle through every minute of choice. Wow, I remember the sweat drops of blood in the garden of Gethsemane and there was your pinnacle. Therefore, you lead, and I follow, because it’s not my will be done, but let your will be done.

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